These Are Just Thoughts

General: “I suppose I owe you my thanks”

Defeated Detective: “I just came here to sully something that was beautiful”

General: “Are you saying that you still doubt the beauty of those young men giving up their lives?”

Defeated Detective: “Certainly they died, but I’m alive and so are you.”

General: “What are you trying to say?”

Defeated Detective: “People have given up their lives for others; But that doesn’t say a damn thing about either one of us. The only ones who are admirable, who are beautiful, are the guys that died! The rest of us are petty, stupid, vulgar…and we grovel on the ground as we desperately try to stay alive! That’s all.”

According to the authoritarian mindset the only answer to all the questions in the world is somebody has to be in charge. That’s the big fact and the big answer that trumps every other concern you might have. Authoritarians are always going to say someone has to be in charge. Really smart people think like this, as long as someone is in charge everything is fine in a way. They’re prepared to accept major losses of life and major injustices as long as someone’s in charge. They can’t understand that the iron grip of people who are trying to be in charge is the problem. It creates the dissent, it creates the protests, it creates all the drama in the world. Control freaks trying to stay in charge or control freaks trying to defend the authoritarians who are in charge. You can be an authoritarian without having any authority yourself, you could simply be someone who defends that status quo. 

The changes sensible people want to make in the world are not being made because the systems we’ve got in place for running the show are actually standing in the way of those changes being made. Our political approach, whether it’s a democracy or whatever, tends to create a situation where the bureaucrats are defending their own turf instead of acting on the will of the people. I think in a way they don’t even know what the will of the people is because we don’t have the kind of system in place where the will of the people can be surveyed and paid attention to.

I don’t know if anyone out there is stupid or crazy enough to consider me to be a source of wisdom, but if even one such person exists, I have to share with them the most important thing I know. Perhaps it is something that most people already know, and that I am only just now finding out. 

I’ve never been like most people. In some ways, I’m proud of that, but mostly I just feel like everyone is speaking a language that I don’t understand. Then again, maybe everyone feels that way. Maybe there are as many different languages as there are different people. But that’s not my wisdom. That’s just an observation that will probably be labelled pretentious by people who use words like pretentious to hide the fact that they lack any real criticisms.  

My wisdom is this: the people who hate you will hate you no matter what concessions you attempt to make. They will hate you if you repent. They will hate you if you clarify. They will hate you if you attempt to explain. Don’t attempt to reason with people that hate you. They don’t want to understand you, they only want to defeat you. To them, life is a contest to see who can be the most right or perceived as the most moral. Things like understanding and finding a middle ground are beyond them. They’re not worth your time or your effort. 

There is a quote, by Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche. He said: “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” 

It’s long been my favorite quote, but I’ve failed to heed it’s warning. I have, in fact, dedicated my life to fighting monsters and staring into the abyss. And I don’t want to do it anymore. But it’s all I know how to do. 

I don’t ever want a God to hide behind the scars I leave
I only want the crucifix, moralistic bullshit weaved

in and out of cloudy pores, arteries that are not mine
A billion dollar enterprise. Jesus has a trademark sign.

I don’t know anybody and I don’t know what’s mine.

I don’t ever want a Girl to hide behind the mess I make
I only want to treat her right, even if it’s worse that way

In and out of failed romance, these memories no longer mine
but somehow when she looks at me, I am still the past defined

I won’t hurt anybody and I won’t survive.

I don’t ever want to do what I’ve done forever now
I don’t ever want it new, I just want to have it raw.
I don’t ever want to be the past-tense or the present flaw.
I don’t ever want it new, I just want to have it raw. 
Even if it’s bound to break, and even if it’s only words
I’ll hold you as the whole world shakes, the two of us will become birds
and fly away to somewhere else, a universe that doesn’t suck
and people care about you, too. But they still don’t really give a fuck
about the petty and the broken, maybe they are cracking too
and if everybody’s crazy then it’s really nothing new

I don’t know anybody and I don’t know what’s mine
I want to return to the flooding and drown in its time
When chance resembles birthday candles
Breathe them deep and let me go
It’s really not what you can handle
It’s just what you refuse to know

So I don’t ever want an afterlife. I tire of the life I lead
I only want to become dirt, but I could settle as a tree
I don’t ever want to be again, I can’t just be as-is today
Without the worst in every person coming back into the shade

and I can’t tell if I’m here with them or if they’re here with me
but in the end it stays the same. The projection’s all I see.
I don’t know anybody and I don’t know what’s mine.
I don’t ever want to see myself, I even run from my reflection
I gut myself internally through daily photographic sessions
To push myself off of a cliff, where south’s the lone direction
I am the prize of a flu-like life. I’m a bacterial infection.

I don’t ever want to view it as a pure, wasted potential
A harvest moon inside my belly glowing like a lightning-bug
Snuffing out the best of me but at least I have a stomach, full.
It’s my own little hell and it’s my least-favorite drug.

But I’m addicted to that unique brand of quiet
and I’m sick to the touch in the front lines of war
So she’s afflicted when it’s dark, she’s an endless riot
I set myself on fire! It doesn’t matter what it’s for.

I don’t ever want to make believe in the consequence of sin
I only want to free myself. I want to feel again!
And not just as a sputter, like a broken exhaust pipe
I want to travel on bare feet for the rest of my life
With one that I can call my own. I don’t ever want to be alone
Consider it a win if the past has a unique tone.
Bouncing from the satellites to over privileged white kid’s homes

Where food is choice and choice is moot
We settle on some sour fruit 
and make the worst of passing time

By avoiding one another’s eyes
We can successfully avoid ourselves.

What you are forgetting is that emotions aren’t relative. Just like you can’t tell a diabetic to produce more insulin, you cannot tell a depressed individual to produce more serotonin. There seems to be this illusion that humans are in full control of themselves, and thus in control of their emotions. There is a physical limit to how strong a negative emotion can be felt, and the socioeconomic or societal status of an individual is completely irrelevant to that limit.

Atheism is the lack of belief in a god or gods. We’ll focus on monotheism here since it’s more prevalent. We do not claim to know for certain that god does not exist, but we’re simply unconvinced that he does. We view god as an unfalsifiable hypothesis, much like elves or goblins. Since god is not immediately apparent to any of our senses, evidence for him is needed if we’re to give the idea of his existence any credence at all. The primary assertion of atheism is not necessarily that there is no god, but rather there is no good evidence for god and until evidence of a god is presented we will be atheists. The beauty of nature is not evidence for god, unless the ugly aspects of nature such as disease, famine, rape, and death are evidence against god. Atheists view nature as lacking conscious planning and thus see both its beauty and its ugliness as incidental. The bible, the koran, someones personal sense of god, these things are not evidence but articles of faith. Faith is the opposite of evidence. In fact, the very definition of faith is belief without evidence; Which is what many atheists are really against, but even these non-evidence based beliefs wouldn’t be a problem if they didn’t influence societal opinions and attitudes and negatively affect public policy in a political discourse. With that said, it should be noted that not all atheists have qualms with other peoples religiosity, but many do take issue with it for the very reasons I detailed moments ago.

So I think I’ve kind of realized; The world, as it stands, at the moment, today, now isn’t set up to be a parent, have kids, not be insane. But then again that’s the history of the world, mad people doing shit incorrectly because they craaaazy! Haha! But the world is crazy, therefore I am sane. Sanity? Madness? Who’s to say? Probably a psychiatrist. But the way things are in the world today if I have kids I’d probably do the same thing. I’d be asking my two year old, “Hey, do you have the answers? Have you got magical powers? Help me! You’ve got the Wiggles, I’ve got the Sopranos, but maybe we’re the same. Teach me!”

In our unfortunately two-dimensional modern world, there are some tragic concepts floating about. One that cooks me alive in my own skin is that anyone who has a bullshit life got there, earned that, by having a bullshit attitude. An interesting theory that I find attractive because it has blame in it, but it kind of doesn’t hold water when you consider we are surrounded by successful cunts who are one hundred percent full of shit. Everyone knows the secret of success: Be a sociopath. Us losers would rather lose. Instead of inviting demons into my soul to feast on what’s left of it at this point, I would prefer my life sucks in ways I can understand.

People who are obsessed with racking up accomplishments are,

A: Traitors because they’re making the rest of us look bad.
B: I hate them for no good reason other than I hate them. It feels like the right thing to do!

But that’s me, I don’t need much of a plan, I follow my instincts. My intuition tells me, people who explode into the office every morning are amongst the lowest form of life. And if they want to spend the weekend jogging or purchasing running shoes should have the decency to keep that shit to themselves; When they come into the workplace should have the presence of mind to remember they are surrounded by people who have long ago worked out they are losers who may never find a way to win.